I got the cold

All thanks to Swinburne policy of maintaining their air conditioning system at absurdly cold level. Seriously, are they trying to freeze all their students to death or something? I know I've read something about how the cold promotes intelligence, but that was in a fiction book by Eoin Colfer. Its completely irrational for Swinburne to believe something that comes of a fiction novel, right?

Regardless of the source of my illness, its effects are still the same as ever. It feels like someone just broke the main dam located somewhere on my nasal cavity. And in my futile effort to soak up all the leakage I've wasted a whole box of tissue. So if you come to my house on the next few days or so and I pass you the toilet paper when you need some tissue, thats why.

I'm ending the post prematurely as I can't type while using one hand to cover my nose with soem tissue so adios.

Filler Post

Lazy me is lazy.

The End.

Fuck it, I'll just go full blast rant mode. First thing first we'll start with the academic since I'm a student and so academic is like supposed to be #1 for me. As if. But lets pretend that is true and that I am the perfect example of an academically correct student we'll go and start talking about my academic situation. I've just "graduated" from my foundation and about to begin my Degree studies which is fine and great and all that with the exception of this tiny little minor detail, I have no fucking idea what degree should I take. Well I actually have some idea, I'm thinking of taking either Mechanical or Civil but the problem is both of them is equally attractive to me. Well not really attractive more like its the only two I actually know what I'm supposed to be learning and the certainty of it bring a certain appeal to me. The reason I'm into civil is because my family has a civil background, my grandfather is a Civil Engineer and two of my uncle is, actually excluding my dad everyone from my father side of the family is a civil engineer, why he ended up as an Architect of all thing is a mystery to me. I wonder if he's adopted. With regard to the mechanical thing I'm only interested because of one thing, Gundam. Thats right, Gundam. You know those giant robots, Gundam... Fuck. What was I thinking? I'll just go take civil and go build a bridge or two and maybe some highway along the way. Giant Robots? Gundams? Seriously? Was I on crack or something?

Late again

I really suck at keeping up with my schedule dont I? Anyway, lets just get straight to business shall we. Since its been about 5 days since my last post I'll just do a week worth of events for this post. Sounds good? Well you dont really have a choice in the matter anyway so if you dont like it, tough luck but you'll just have to suck it up like a man.

Anyway rewind 5 days back and that would put us at wednesday. Nothing major happens on that day, I just went to my old school and helped out the scouts erecting a miniature campsite of some sort. Well it's not really a miniature version since its pretty much 1:1 scale, I guess its more like a simplified campsite. Managed to met some old classmate and an old crush. It was a pretty fun day actually. It was also a pretty darn tiring day. And I managed to ruin my pants, my shirt and my shoes thanks to the muddy soil. I hate kuching weather.

Move forward a day and its thursday. Nothing happends really, the rain made me lzy so I just camped at home. Actually since it kept raining till friday thats all I do for the rest of the weekdays, stay holed up at home infront of my pc. I was supposed to help out the scouts during the until saturday buy I got lazy and decided to ditch those guys. Sorry guys, I'll make it up to you guys one of these days.

The weekends isnt exactly that different from the other days. Got nothing to do so once again I just stayed at home and stare at my monitor screen. I did managed to finish downloading some movies and animes so it wasnt all that bad. It was pretty fun actually. I'm still an otaku at heart I guess. So much for breaking out of my social akwardness shell.

Anyway, I'll cut the entry short since I'm still having the lazyness bug. Hopefully, I can get some real writting done in the next few days instead of writting short excerpt like these. That, and maybe I can actually start to keep up with my schedule. Ah well, I can always dream.

I blame my headache

For the lateness of this post, I blame my headache. Should have known better than to try sleeping i the couch when I'm tired. That thing always gave me headache every time I sleep in it. Wonder is someone died on it and cursed the damn thing. Anyway so yeah the post is late, so much for my new found discipline in blog posting. Then again discipline isn't one of my strong suit.

Anyway, rewind back a few hours back and you'll see me carrying wood near the basketball court at my old school. Why is someone like me doing manual labor, did I managed to get a job as a stereotyped Indonesian construction worker? Not really, I was just helping out the Scout group at my old school. I'm pretty much bored at home these days anyway, can't watch most of the new anime cause my stupid computer can't support HD videos. Damn bucket of bolts.

Anyway, since I got nothing to do and I haven't been helping them around lately I figured why not? Its a short walk to school and I'm pretty free at the time. Once I arrived there it didnt take long for me to regret my decision. Well not really regret but wish I had thought it through. I completely forgot how physically demanding scout's activities can be. Carrying woods, digging holes, and setting up the camps are not exactly light on the energy consumption. I was pretty much beat by the end of the day. Considering how I've pretty much spent the year in front of a monitor it should've register in my head sooner than latter. It's not that bad though, I had fun and I got some much needed exercise.

And yeah this post got delayed once and then delayed once more thanks to recurring headache and my chronic laziness. Lets see if I can get the next on on time.

Oh right I almost forgot

I promised myself I'll make this into a daily gig. Alright, lets see what can we talk about today. Since yesterday was all complicated and deep and stuff like that, today we'll talk about something shallow I suppose.

Oh, I know lets talk about the weather. The bloody weather. Kuching's weather. Not much can be said about it, actually one word can pretty much sum it up. Rain. Rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain and more rain. It doesn't matter whether it's the dry season or the wet season, in Kuching there's always a possibility for rain. Every single day of the year. Without fail. Its like the rain god decided to camp over the Kuching skyline or something. Heck, I bet he does. He must be pretty sad these days though cause it's been raining nonstop for the past few week. Half of kuching is probably already flooded by now. I know my old school is. Bet most of my juniors is gonna skip school tomorrow. Any takers?

Anyway the rain is totally messed up my plan for the day. I was planning to help out my scout pals over at my old school. They're supposed to be building some sort of mock up campsite. Why they're doing it again is beyond me, look what happened the last time we did that. What a disaster that was. Okay maybe it wasn't that bad, still it wasn't exactly great work of architecture. Never mind the artistic side of things last time we did it, the thing wasn't even stable. Still no one gets hurt so I guess it was alright. Besides the experience we get out of it was pretty damn useful. Plus I get to bully some junior that time, it's not too shabby of an activity I guess. I'm such a sadist sometime. It's so easy to bully people when you're taller and older than them. But truly being a scout was fun, I missed those guys.

Anyway, back to the weather. Kuching weather sucks. Its totally unpredictable. No matter how cloudy the sky or how bright the sun is, the weather can make a complete turn for the opposite with little or no warning at all. Bringing an umbrella with you at all time is almost a necessity when you live here. Sigh, I lost count on the number of umbrella I used over the year. Pretty much every few month or so I'm forced to buy a new one since the wind is so strong most of my umbrella simply break under the stress. Which bring us to another thing I hate about the local weather. The wind. Sure my name carries the meaning of wind but that doesn't mean I want to have it blowing like its the monsoon season. Damned wind. They don't even flip up skirts or something like that. Nooo, they flip my freaking umbrella. A lot of good that did. Well I cant really complain that much, sometimes when the girls get drenched I get to see their undergarments. I suppose every cloud has their silver lining, just wished those clouds weren't rain clouds.

A few paragraph done and thats it for the day. Its midnight and that means time for me to sleep. My right hand is sore from my prior activity. You're welcome to try and guess what said activities are.

Death and God

I wonder how long will I live in this world. I'm curious of just how long will my life last, what meaning might it had and what effects will it had to other people. I don't believe in religion, I find the very notion of religion absurd. But that is what frighten me the most. You see I'm afraid of death, more so than anything else. Religion gives some form of an explanation to death, or at the very least a meaning to it. Some tell it as a form of gateway to another existence in an afterlife of some sort, other told it as just another part of a never ending cycle. The bottom line is religion give meaning to death. Nothing else does. Science explain nothing of death except that it is the ceasing of the body's biological function. It explain nothing of its meaning or reasoning. Without it death becomes a scary thing. And in my life that fear occupy more than I could bear. So most often than not I lie to myself, tell myself its nothing. When life ends it just ends. Thats it. Nothing more nothing else. But like so many of my lies, in the end its just a lie. Its a cover up of the truth. The hard truth. That I cant find a meaning for death in my life. And that terrify me. It shock the very foundation of my being. I'm terrified of death. I'm afraid of it. Why do I have to die?

18 years. Thats how I've lived. How much time left do I got no one knows. Except maybe god. But I'm doubting his existence so lets count him out for now. I really do envy those who have such strong faith in god, I truly do. It give them some sort of support to cling on. A luxury I'm beginning to yearn for more and more. Because as you grew up, the amount of control you have over your life increases and with control comes responsibility. Responsibility for your actions and their consequences. And sometimes you just don't know what you're doing anymore. You're so confused with life that you're just lost amidst all the choices you've made. And you needed help. So how about asking god for help? Well I don't believe in his existence so I cant ask him. How about my family? I hate my family, its not them really its just me being me puts me at odds with my family. Surely I can ask my friends? Well I could if only I know how to trust people. I can't seem to trust anybody. Hell, I don't even trust myself.

I don't really know how to explain it,I really don't. I suppose its just in my nature or perhaps it was the way I was raised. But I get used to doubting things. So used to it that I grew to find the few moments I trust people as moments of weakness. Maye its just a mechanism I design to protect my self. To avoid the disappointment of a broken trust. The pain of betrayal. I'm not sure what it is but I just cant trust things. Well not fully anyway. I'll always have that nagging feeling doubt rested within. Probably why I can't truly grasp religious faith. Its something born out of complete faith in the religion. An absolute trust in the truth for the religion. You can't be a Muslim and believe that other religion might still be correct. That self contradicting.

Sigh, I suppose thats it for tonight. Everything is all jumbled up and I'm to lazy to fix whatever incoherency is up there. Whatever. If things don't make sense probably because I mixed up can with can't and vice versa. Or maybe its just my mind that messed up. Doesn't matter, either way I fucked up. And this is the normal stuff. We haven't even entered things most people considered truly perverse. I'm so fucked up.

Yay for me.

PS: I'm starting over with the blog. Yes, again. I'm planning to turn it into some sort of diary or something like that. Who know's how long this will last, we'll just have to wait and see don't we?

Home Alone

They're flying on a jet plane~

And thus began my decent/acent (depending how it things turn out) into utter independentness. Ness.

=D

So for like one whole week or so I'll be home alone. Alone. ALONE. A-LONE.

D=

But I still have my internet. Net.

<3